


For Everyone

by schmulte



Category: They Both Die at the End - Adam Silvera
Genre: Afterlife, Hurt No Comfort, I'm Sorry, M/M, Spain Without the S
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:46:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27737086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schmulte/pseuds/schmulte
Summary: Your brain is supposed to stay active for up to ten minutes after your death. Mateo read that somewhere, maybe in National Geographic, and at the time had triggered a mild state of panic. Imagining being trapped in his own head, unable to move, unable to speak, unable to think. It was what he imagined a coma must be like to the experience, and the irony wasn't lost on him, but this was different. When you're in a coma, you still have a chance to wake up.What I think happened after the broken stove, told from Mateo's point of view.
Relationships: Rufus Emeterio/Mateo Torrez
Comments: 11
Kudos: 60





	For Everyone

Your brain is supposed to stay active for up to ten minutes after your death. Mateo read that somewhere, maybe in _National Geographic,_ and at the time had triggered a mild state of panic. Imagining being trapped in his own head, unable to move, unable to speak, unable to _think._ It was what he imagined a coma must be like to the experience, and the irony wasn't lost on him, but this was different. When you're in a coma, you still have a chance to wake up.

But like most things that made Mateo panic, it faded away and didn't really affect him at all afterward, while he was living. Even today, he was having so much fun with Rufus that the thought had hardly crossed his radar. He didn't even think about it when he woke up, at first. He thought his body just needed a moment to register its surroundings. He tries to remember what had just happened- Rufus, in his bed, fast asleep. Getting up to make tea before visit dad. The broken stove. He must have been knocked out, that was all. He still had a solid couple of hours before midnight the last time he checked- this was just a minor near-death experience, like the subway and the explosion. 

But then there's pain. Hot, searing, burning pain, on his back, on his arms, on his face. His whole body is on fire and no one is putting him out and he still can't see. He must be dead. He must be dead and in Hell. 

The smell is awful, like the time he and Lidia tried to make those microwavable Kraft Mac n' Cheese cups but forgot to put the water in first. It was so strong that Mateo is sure he's going to throw up, but he doesn't. There's a dim orange glow behind his eyelids. No matter how hard he tries he can' t get them to open. His glasses are skewed on his face and he can feel the plastic nose-pieces digging into his skin, but he can't get his arm to cooperate and fix them. 

It's loud, too. Something is beeping overhead and it's making his eardrums ring and his head pound. It's the fire alarm, he thinks. He must have burned the teapot on the broken stove, that's all. He's straining his ears as hard as he can over the beeping to see if he can detect any sign of Rufus. He must have woken up by now, no one could sleep through all this. Mateo waits and waits and waits and waits until there's finally footsteps and Rufus's voice yelling "MATEO!"

Mateo wills his body to yell, to scream "I'm here" or "help" or "I love you." His mouth doesn't move. He hears the front door open, voices in the hallway. 

"We've already called the fire department."

Why? It's just some burned plastic, that's all it is. Someone's coughing.

"Someone get him water."

"I got a note from Mateo earlier. Said he was going to be passing and not worry about the stove...When did he come home? I knocked earlier and he wasn't there!"

 _Why can't that person just ask me_ , Mateo thinks. _I'm right here._

He hopes Rufus won't be too mad at him for leaving their little island. They'll have some time to talk about it, once the fire department comes for whatever reason. Rufus will tease him for being too nice, but he'll take his cup of tea nevertheless. Then they'll go see dad, and maybe a Hallmark movie miracle will happen at the hospital where his miraculously wakes up from his come, or he and Rufus get last-minute calls from Death-Cast saying there's been a mistake. 

It's getting really hot in the apartment. He remembers Rufus telling him about his family vacation to Varadero Beach in Cuba, about how the sun beat down so hot you could cook an egg on the sand. Mateo thought he might have been exaggerating, but he had smiled anyway. 

Something kicks him in the arm. He thinks to say "ow," but nothing comes out. Rufus must be up. There has to be some way to communicate with him, to tell him "I'm alright, I just can't move." Mateo feels Rufus grab both his arms and it hurts like Hell, but that doesn't matter know because he's in Rufus's hands and that's where he feels safe. There's shouting coming from outside the apartment. The fluorescents of the hallway are bright and Mateo would close his eyes tighter if he could. Rufus is haunting him up now, cradling him with an arm around his neck. It sounds like he's crying, and Mateo doesn't know why, because he's alive. "I'm alive," he tries to say, and the words don't come. He feels Rufus rocking them back and forth. 

"Wake up, Mate, wake up, wake up. Why'd you get out of bed...We, we said we wouldn't get out of..." His Last Friend is crying and Mateo hates himself for it.

_I'm awake. I'm awake and okay, Rufus, you just can't hear me because I can't move my mouth._

Someone kneels beside the two of them and Mateo dares to hope.

"Let us get him in an ambulance."

Yes! An ambulance is just what he needs. They can take him to the hospital and get him back to normal, and then when he's better he can introduce Rufus to dad.

"He didn't receive the alert today," Rufus is lying. "Get him to a hospital fast, please."

Mateo feels himself lifted and put onto a gurney. They take him down in the elevator, and he remembers this is the first time he's taken the elevator today. He's outside, with the wind blowing on his face, and he can smell Rufus next to him. Someone places their hands on Mateo's neck. Things go quiet for a moment.

"We have to get him to the hospital, you see that!" Rufus screams. "Come on! Stop fucking around! Let's go!" 

Why won't the medics take Mateo to the hospital? Why can't Mateo move? Why can't Mateo speak?

"I'm sorry. He's gone."

No. No, no, no, this is all wrong, he's alive. He's alive and trapped, and he needs Rufus to know that and speak on his behalf.

"DO YOUR JOB AND GET HIM TO THE FUCKING HOSPITAL!"

They don't put Mateo in the back of the ambulance. There's a rustling noise, and he hears Rufus grunt, like he's throwing something. His palm is on his forehead now. It feels nice against his hot skin. He wishes Rufus would stop crying, though. There's nothing to cry about, they're both still here.

"Come on, Mateo, it's me, Roof. You hear me, right?"

_I do._

"It's Roof. Wake up now."

_I'm trying. My eyes won't open._

"Wake up."

Mateo could scream with frustration. He's trying his hardest. He wants to get back to Rufus. There are so many things they still haven't done- he doesn't know what Rufus's favorite ice cream flavor is, or how old he was when he learned to ride a bike. He hasn't gotten the chance to say that he's a Hufflepuff and Rufus is a Gryffindor. He doesn't know what starter Pokemon Rufus picks (Mateo likes Bulbusaur). There's so many things he still wants to know, and he begs in his mind as he slips into something that feels like a garbage bag: _wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up._

Mateo does wake up, eventually.

He's not with Rufus. He's not with anyone at all, except a girl, maybe around his age, in a NYU sweatshirt. She's smiling at him.

"Hi Mateo," she says, and Mateo doesn't know how this person knows his name. "I'm Zoe."

"Where's Rufus?" God, it feels so good to speak. "Where are we?"

"Rufus will be here shortly." Cryptic, but okay. "As for where we are...look around, Mateo."

It's then that Mateo actually notices where he is. He's sitting in a row of chairs, plush and red, with cupholders. The room is dark. There's a large screen in front of him. 

"A movie theater..." Mateo breathes. Holy shit. He was right, he was right the whole time! God, if Rufus could see this. Zoe is still smiling at him. 

"You were mostly right, Mateo," she says, as if reading his thoughts. "There's a little more to the movie than just your life though."

Mateo doesn't ask what she means. He figures there will be enough explanation soon. The lights start to dim and Zoe sits next to him in the plush seats. Mateo expects the bright light of the screen to hurt when the projector turns on, but it doesn't. That's one of the benefits of heaven, he guesses. Or wherever he is. 

The movie doesn't start with Mateo's birth like he thought it would. It starts with Lidia. She's in her apartment, in the same shirt she was wearing on Mateo's last day, curled up on her couch, crying. Penny is in her playpen, looking confused. There's an envelope in Lidia's hand- the $400 Mateo left her. 

"What is this?" Mateo asks. If this a movie of people grieving for him, he doesn't want to watch it. 

"Just watch," is all Zoe says. Mateo has no choice but to trust her. He doesn't see any emergency exits in the heaven-theater. 

The screen changes. Now there's a video of a girl in a uniform, with a nametag clipped to her tie- Rae. Their waitress from Cannon Cafe. She's cleaning up a table- _their_ table- and finds the tip they left her. She goes home and puts it in a jar stuffed with cash, labeled "Paris." Mateo really hopes she gets to go someday. 

It changes again. Jared from the hospital is throwing out his nametag and packing up his scrubs. _I guess I was the last straw._

Elizabeth, dad's night nurse, comes on the screen. She sits with dad for a long time and holds his hand. When she's done with that, she takes Mateo's picture and Rufus's note (Rufus wrote a note to his dad, of course he did, because he's good like that) and puts them in a picture frame. It's glass, and there's a gap in the back where she makes sure you can see what Mateo wrote. She saves him an extra Jell-O, even though she knows he won't be back to claim it. 

The homeless man from earlier is there now. He takes the money Mateo and Rufus gave him and gets a haircut and a new pair of clothes from the Goodwill. He uses the rest to buy a sandwich and a bus ticket. He's going to Connecticut, to see his daughter, who hasn't heard from him in years. She hugs him when he arrives, and they're both crying, and a little girl peeks out from behind the door. His granddaughter. 

So many clips of so many different people play on the screen. Deidre from Make-A-Moment stepping down from the ledge on the roof of her building after seeing Mateo and Rufus on the bike below her. Kendrick O'Connel, the boy he gave his shoes to and in return didn't hit him at the club. The gravedigger. His neighbors. Andrea from Death-Cast. Zoe herself, finding the mystery book on the subway. Joel from the Open Bookstore. Dalma and Dahlia. Jasmine and DJ LouOW and Becky and Chris from Clint's Graveyard. The Plutos. And finally- finally, finally there's Rufus. Beautiful, reckless, amazing Rufus, riding his bike with Mateo on the pegs. The screen plays their entire day together. Afterwards, it shows Rufus visiting Mateo's dad and he only realizes now that he's been crying this whole time. Zoe reaches over and squeezes his hand.

"These are all the lives you've touched today, Mateo," she says in a calming voice. Mateo thinks back to the inscription on his gravestone. _He lived for everyone._ He remembers how worried he was about not being able to live up to that. He's no longer worried. 

"Where's Rufus?" he asks. He's full-on crying, snot and everything, and he doesn't care. Zoe gives him a sad smile.

"He'll be here soon. It's not his time yet."

"What happens now?"

"That's up to you."

Zoe hands him a remote. He's not exactly sure how the mechanics of that work, given he's in a movie theater, but it's the afterlife, and he knows Rufus would say not to question it. Zoe is gone now, and he is alone in the theater. Mateo looks at the remote in his hand. He somehow finds the movie of his life. He doesn't question the mechanics of the afterlife. He thinks of Rufus and Lidia and dad and Penny and everyone else he left behind. He takes a deep breath. He presses play. 


End file.
